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    Conflict Resolution


    The disciples of Jesus had conflicts between themselves and it is all too easy to interrupt them BEFORE they are played the interest of peace. However, Jesus never interrupted them but let them air out their differences. Only later did Jesus answer them....after the heat of the moment. Do conflicts arise? Yes! Can they be avoided? Sometimes! Can any good come out of it? Most of
    the time...YES! How? Hidden issues are typically buried deeply and do not surface until the right conditions present themselves.

    Conflicts, oftentimes, are the catalyst to raising those hidden wounds/issues. So when conflict exposes these previously hidden issues/wounds, then healing can begin to take place for then, truth that brings the healing can help sort them out and if the truth is accepted, heal the wounds. Having been involved with years of ministry in these areas, I understand these dynamics better than most. Sometimes, it is necessary to inflict a wound to heal a wound. Any surgeon will agree. It is only when these wounds are emotional that we tend to lose sight of how can wounds be healed through infliction of another wound. The principle remains the same whether in physical or emotional wounds.

    Imagine, if you will, that you were involved in a car accident. You were knocked unconscious but no major injuries. But while being examined at the hospital, the doctors uncover a previously unknown injury to an internal organ that had gone undetected and unless an emergency operation were done, the patient would die. You are that patient and without your permission, the operation was performed. You wake up afterwards in recovery and wonder what happened. You quickly discover the stitches on your body where the operation took place and wonder why were you operated on when there was nothing wrong with you before. Eventually you learn the truth and you are grateful for their work.

    So it is with emotional wounds. We sometimes have emotional wounds that extend all the way back to our childhood but when someone touches that place of that wound, we react in a way that seems to be an offense. An emotional wound that has never healed was just touched. Once exposed, it is necessary to "operate" to remove the years of infection and cleanse the wound so it can be healed. The Word of God is then used as a balm on that wound to aid in its healing.

    The most difficult part of all this are those who do not understand what is happening, so they try to prevent it, not knowing that it was time for an operation. God, who knows all things, knew His timing and will perform this critical operation before that wound kills the patient. So instead of reacting to what we see and hear naturally, let us draw back and ask God, "What are You doing?" If we wait and are patient, He will show us and if we are to play a part in this, He will give that part to us. Otherwise, we wait and watch what He does.

    We all have wounds from our past. Most of these occur when we were young. If our parents had issues between themselves, the children are typically the ones who suffer the fallout from those conflicts. As children, we were not equipped as to how to understand conflicts. We just want our parents to get along with one another. When this does not happen, we tended to cling to one or the other and bear the resentments of the one we cling to against the other. In doing this, we unknowingly sinned in not honoring BOTH parents. We end up harboring the wounds of our parents, judging them for their part and promised ourselves silently that we will not allow this kind of thing to happen when WE are grown up.

    Isn't it interesting that we end up facing those exact same issues as adults? And depending on how we have trained ourselves, we try to compensate but usually without the success we had envisioned. So it is with these emotional wounds. Until we learn God's way of handling conflict, our own way ends in additional wounding, not only to ourselves but all those we love who are witness to these events. This means our children and so we initiate the same cycle of reactions that we endured as children, all without the necessary preparations. They are left to carry on the legacy of their parents and their parents before them. This actually is carried through four generations according to God's ten commandments.


    The first and most important part of the healing process is the exposure. Until this wound is exposed or brought to light, it cannot be healed. Just as it is with an alcoholic, until the alcoholic acknowledges he or she IS an alcoholic, the cycle will continue unabated. But once they are able to acknowledge they have this problem, the healing process can proceed. The scripture agrees with this:
    Job 33:27 (NKJV) Then he looks at men and says,
    ‘I have sinned, and perverted what was right,
    And it did not profit me. ’

    1 John 1:9-10 (NKJV)If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. 10 If we say that we have not sinned, we make Him a liar, and His word is not in us.
    So with these verses, we can see how important the acknowledgement of sin is. Then the next step in healing comes.


    In every wound, whether physical or emotional, there is a cause. It is important to know what caused the wound. If you stepped on a nail, was that nail rusted? The reason to know this is obvious. If the nail was rusted there lies the potential for blood poisoning. This means that not only the puncture wound needs to be treated, a tetanus shot is required to counter the blood poisoning. You may heal the wound but that poison will kill the patient if left untreated. While the wound itself was not life threatening, the poison from the rust is.

    So it is with most emotional wounds. They may not seem life threatening as it is but the poison that was left remaining, unforgiveness, judgment, resentments, inability to trust and love, fears and oaths or promises we made to ourselves as a result of our judgment and unforgiveness. All these have the potential to kill us in our relationship with God. For instance, those who have had unresolved conflicts with their fathers have much difficulty with trusting their heavenly father. This is a carryover from those emotional wounds received as children. Even wounds received as adults, if they are unresolved, the same kinds of poisons are working their way into the hearts of those with the offenses. Unresolved conflicts are those where the perpetrator has not been forgiven. Bitterness and resentment are the poison. Judgments arise from unforgiveness, also known as bitter root judgments as revealed in Hebrews.
    Hebrews 12:15 (NKJV)
    looking carefully lest anyone fall short of the grace of God; lest any root of bitterness springing up cause trouble, and by this many become defiled;
    Step 2: JUDGMENTS

    Immediately on the heals of unforgiveness comes judgments. These are those views of right and wrong we cast upon those who have harmed us or those we loved. Since these occurred before Christ came into our lives, we did not have the ability to walk in love as God calls love. What we did, made the matter worse. We judged the ones causing the hurt. This changed our perspectives of them but not only of them. Our judgment of them also affected our perspective of EVERYONE who acts or speaks in a similar fashion as the one who caused the original offense.

    As a result, we grew up avoiding everyone that even comes close to those characteristics we've associated with that one who hurt us or those we love. Guilt through association. More often than not, these judgments give rise to all sorts of other harmful activities we find ourselves associating with. Gossip is probably the most destructive of any of those activities. Because of our own hurts, we tend to 'flock' together with those with similar wounds and together, we set up a watch for the symptoms or evidence of those that even 'appear' to be similar to those who have hurt us.

    Step 3: OATHS or VOWS

    Leviticus 5:4-5 (NKJV)
    “Or if a person swears, speaking thoughtlessly with his lips to do evil or to do good, whatever it is that a man may pronounce by an oath, and he is unaware of it—when he realizes it, then he shall be guilty in any of these matters.
    5 “And it shall be, when he is guilty in any of these matters, that he shall confess that he has sinned in that thing;
    Speaking thoughtlessly with our lips is when we promise ourselves something to do without considering what the price of those actions are and neither can we know for the future is not in our hands but God's hands.

    Oaths or vows are made, usually unspoken but sometimes verbalized. Oaths or vows are those promises we made to ourselves that we would not allow those things that hurt us to happen when we grow up. What these actually create in us is a mindset of how we are to act or expect when we grow older. Imagine this if you will, that when you have a young sapling in your yard as a youngster. While it was still flexible, you formed a "C" shape in it. As this tree grew older, that "C" shape remains. You have forever changed how that tree grows for the rest of its life. So it is with a vow or oath made. We have established how we would view these offenses and how we would respond to them by creating in ourselves that mindset. The bible calls this a stronghold.

    Step 4: CONFESSION

    The only way these conflicts can be resolved is through the following steps:
    2-breaking of judgments
    3-renouncing of vows
    4-righteous living

    Unless we forgive, we cannot be forgiven. Jesus, Himself said this:
    Matthew 6:14-15 (NKJV)“ For if you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. 15 But if you do not forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.

    Matthew 18:35 (NKJV)“ So My heavenly Father also will do to you (execute judgment) if each of you, from his heart, does not forgive his brother his trespasses.”
    So we must forgive and that must be from the depths of our heart. God knows whether we give only lip service or whether our repentance and forgiveness is genuine. If we feel we are unable, then we must forgive in obedience to His word. There are some wounds that are greater than others and you may find you want to but do not have the strength to obey. In those times, Jesus Himself will come and give to you of His strength. I speak to you as one who has experienced such an event in my own life.

    Once we have truly forgiven those who have harmed us or our loved ones, we must break the judgment we've made by confessing it as sin and renouncing it. After this, the mindset we have trained ourselves to abide by must be broken. Ask God to forgive you and cleanse you of all unrighteous thinking. Then set your heart to no longer make such promises or vows. It must be understood that our future is not in our hands but in God's hands. We are urged to change our language. "As the Lord wills, I will do thus and such." But even then, be careful to fulfill your vows.
    Ecclesiastes 5:4-6 (NKJV)
    When you make a vow to God, do not delay to pay it;
    For He has no pleasure in fools.
    Pay what you have vowed—
    5 Better not to vow than to vow and not pay.
    6 Do not let your mouth cause your flesh to sin, nor say before the messenger of God that it was an error. Why should God be angry at your excuse and destroy the work of your hands?

    The resolution of conflicts can be made only when we humble ourselves under the Mighty Hand of God. Should conflicts arise during interaction with another person and offenses are taken, whether you are innocent or not, you must take the initiative and confess you are wrong and seek forgiveness from the one who was offended. This is true even if you were the one being offended. God has called us to peace. Remember that Jesus took your offense upon Himself and attained forgiveness of your sins even before you knew He had done this.
    Romans 5:8 (NKJV)
    But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.
    The rest of these issues, unforgiveness, judgments, and vows are all considered as the removing of our grave clothes. We were all dead in our sins when Christ died for us and through faith in this finished work, we were brought out of death into life.

    This is best depicted when Lazarus was raised from the dead. That which killed him, sin, was removed when Jesus called him by name. Likewise, you were called out by name. When Lazarus emerged from the tomb, he was alive but completely bound, so Jesus commanded those near him to "Loose him and let him go." This He was speaking regarding the grave clothes that continued to bind him. Had he left him as he was, Lazarus would not have survived. Those grave clothes bound him while dead and continued to bind him while alive. The smell of death had permeated those grave clothes while dead and now that he was alive, the smell of death remained on him.

    These grave clothes are those areas of unforgiveness, judgments and vows which continued to influence his ability to move even after being made alive. So it is with us, our own grave clothes, unless removed, will continue to bear the smell of death although we have been made alive. They continue to restrict our movement and ability to move in the things of the spirit. Unless they are specifically removed, we will never experience the freedom that Christ died to give us.

    This process of removing those grave clothes is that which the Apostle Paul spoke of when he said we are to work out our salvation in fear and trembling.
    Philippians 2:12-13 (NKJV)12 Therefore, my beloved, as you have always obeyed, not as in my presence only, but now much more in my absence, WORK OUT YOUR OWN SALVATION WITH FEAR AND TREMBLING
    ; 13 for it is God who works in you both to will and to do for His good pleasure.
    If we do not walk in humility then we will not allow others to follow Jesus' command to loose us and let us go. So let us all remember from where we've come and how with a great sacrifice and great power God, through His Son, Jesus Christ, has wrought for us so great a salvation. Let us all walk with a great sense of humility and not as filled and motivated by pride or confidence in our own abilities and strengths.

    Let us allow the Holy Spirit to speak to each of us when we have missed the mark and allow Him to bring those who have not the sliver in their eye to lead us back to only One who can remove our own beam that is blocking our vision of what we are doing. Let us resolve in our hearts with God as our strength to walk in peace with all men.

    Jerry Sundberg

    Soon after I received the Lord in 1976, I started receiving prophetic visions and warnings about the future of the church and the United States. I share my visions on my Hidden Manna websites and offer free of charge my two ebooks entitled “Hidden Manna” and “Hidden Manna 2”.

    Website: Hidden Manna

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